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25.01.18

Name:

Patrick Leyton

What are you on about?

Uncle Vin Go Home

Message:

Since you don’t have a comments section (wise). I just want to say that Vindictive Vin is the most unfunny straight-edge sounding guy ever, I love everything else but uncle Vin should go home. Thanks.

30.10.17

Name:

George Burnman

What are you on about?

Why Old Stuff Sucks.

Message:

Hi,

I was sent a link to the above, and it made me laugh a lot. was hoping  I could give an old sods perspective.

New stuff is terrible. Mainly because stuff is terrible and there is no difference between old stuff and new stuff. When young people tell me about new stuff such as Rap (first recorded in the seventies), Prosecco (made first in the sixteenth century) and Converse footwear (established 1917) I am supposed to look impressed. I’m not.

I grew up in the seventies when my mother forced me to wear a parka to school. It wasn’t so bad because all schoolchildren were abused in the same way so there was comfort in solidarity. The one thing that made the ordeal bearable was that we were not forced to put the hood up. Even in terrible weather we would rather get soaked than look a complete dick with the hood up. Now the fashion is to have a “look like a twat” bypass and not only wear it with the hood up in blazing sunshine, but make sure every garment has a hood so that looking like a twat is the preferred option for every occasion. Fashion will always be embarrassing to look back on.

My Granddad smoked a pipe. It stank. He also looked an idiot holding it. We now have vaping. It stinks. People look idiots holding it. Granted, one involved filling a small bowl with a toxic substance and burning it and one involves sucking a mini kettle, but, solely on the level of being stupid, there is basically no difference between the two.

The real reason why young people think old stuff is shit is that they realise that unless they can hang their existence on the wildly optimistic notion that things have got to be better in the future than they have been in the past, the whole existing thing is a bit naff. It is every generation’s desperate need to justify why they are here. Unfortunately, this generation, like every other is doomed to the realisation that with the passage of an extremely small amount of time, their nostalgia will also be, when scrutinised impartially, just as crap as their forefathers.

Regards,

George.

PS. I will be subscribing.

30.10.17

Name:

Maxim Thompson

What are you on about?

FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION? FUCK OFF!

Message:

Oh look! A magazine that allows anyone to talk about whatever the fuck they want, no matter how “CONTROVERSIAL” or “UNPOPULAR” it would be! WOW! SUCH EDGE! MUCH LIBERAL! I’m sure some manic-pixie meme-munching banshee that makes ironic rape jokes and thinks the Suicide Squad movie will be awesome will think this is cool.  But let’s be honest here: What is the fucking point of this dime-a-dozen drag of a nag-rag?The only reason I am giving this pointless exercise into journalistic piles popping out of the shit-stained mouths of opinionated obnoxious knob-jockeys a shred of attention is because they posted an ad on Gumtree. And I, being the kind of asshole that gets off of reaction to my racy ramblings, plunged dick first at the chance to prove I’m better than you (by the way, am I getting paid for this? I’ll accept a tenner and burrito by the way, that is what my oxymoronic opinion is worth).

Anyway, why should the next Donald Trump, the next Nigel Farage, the next Katie Hopkins, or any cock-eyed cunt with a face only a deaf, dumb and blind basset hound would face-fuck, be allowed any variation of a metaphorical or physical platform to spout their foamy anger towards anyone that differs from their own warped definition of an ideal world? Because it’s fair? Because this is the price of freedom? Because we’re all closet contrarians and we need a villain straight out of a pantomime wrestling match to makes ourselves seem less of an imperfect insignificant thing that is and soon will not be? They won’t be so lenient to let you say your peace, and if they are, it’s because they hope you’re stupider than them and they can brush you off with the ease of brushing off a school-shooting from the daily thought process. Because in their story, they’re the hero, and you’re the villain.

So, it’s the oxymoron of loving the way my opinions look written out, and my disgust at the two-faced attitude of the majority who promote Freedom Of Expression. I will happily sacrifice my integrity to this magazine on a monthly basis, especially if they pay me (because I only wipe my ass with profitable toilet paper that’s got my name on it) but I do so without any desire for discussion or retort. Freedom Of Expression may give you the right to an opinion, but it gives me the right to ignore it, and there is nothing you can do about it, that is legal. If you spout an opinion but no one gives a fuck to react to it, did you ever have one? And you can ignore this like you ignore that lump on your breast or the homeless man coughing up blood outside your favourite supermarket. I guess that’s your right to avoid something stressful or aggravating for as you long as you live. Out of sight, out of mind.

Maxim

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