No matter your age, gender, ethnicity, or religious affiliation; every person on this earth has at one point or another been forced to wonder how their grandma likes to get freaky.

Unluckily for you, we gathered a team of both food and sex scientists to answer that question and sear the image of your grandmother getting it on in her favorite way into your brain for the rest of your life.

1. Green Bean Casserole: If this is your grandma’s signature dish then that means she wasn’t too sexually adventurous. It is highly unlikely that anything other than boring, conservative missionary position happened in your grandparent’s bedroom, and absolutely nothing happened outside of it.

2. Vegetable Soup: We’ve got bad news for you, Your grandma definitely liked to mix it up in the bedroom. Just like her soup, she enjoyed bringing all sorts of different ingredients and flavors into her sex life. Remember those weird looking friends that used to come by their house to “play bridge” just as you were leaving?

3. Pumpkin Pie: I’m sure you of all people know that your grandma was just a sweety. What you may not have known is that there was another reason besides her personality that your grandpa called her that. There is no doubt in our minds that your grammy ever had sex without making ol’ granddad lick a bunch of chocolate syrup or homemade whipped cream off of that beautiful wrinkly old body.

4. Pot Roast: We’re just gonna come right out and say this one. Your grandma was a dom. There’s honestly no telling what she put your poor old gramps through. Oh god…even we don’t want to think about it.

5. Chicken & Dumplings: We all know she used to love bringing her famous chicken and dumplings out in public for everyone to admire, well your granny also loved making her old man go out in public to get filthy. That’s right, she was an exhibitionist. Now while this may seem strange to you, try to gain some comfort in knowing that we know at least eight old ladies who are into it.

6. Lasagna: How do we put this lightly? You know how lasagna has layers? Well, your grandma probably was another layer in her sexual lasagna…get the picture? No? Well, gamgam was most likely very into double penetration. She was most likely layered in between those two beautiful pool boys at least twice a week when your grandpa was out playing poker

7. Chilli: I feel like we all probably understand where this one is headed, right?

Jake Turner

@kuddelmuddelkid