As COVID quarantine nears 4 months, we are all a little cooped up and trying new hobbies like baking sourdough and gardening… and strangulation.

But did you know there are less deadly things than murder you can do with your knee?

Here’s a list of 25 non-lethal ways you can put your knee on stuff for nearly 9 minutes to get you through this challenging summer without killing anyone.

1) A Slip and Slide

2) Bean bag chairs

3) Your Microsoft Zune

4) Grapes (winemaking)

5) A vat of hydrochloric acid

6) Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues from the 90s

7) Lime Jello

8) The US Constitution   

9) Tiny Ballpit like at McDonald’s but for quarantine

10) Jar of toenail clippings

11) That other DIY project you’ve been putting off

12) Sausages

13) Knee Pads

14) Sourdough

15) Some murdering asshole’s nutsack

16) Alphalpha Sprouts

17) No longer relevant college acceptance letters

18) A telephone pole (Ouch, I can’t believe I actually walked into it, e.g.)

19) Tiger Balm

20) A handwritten 10-minute free write

21) All your pathetic attempts at making kombucha

22) Gardens

23)  Letters from your bank telling you they care and asking you to perform “self-care”

24) L’toilet

25) Just about any other part of the human body  

Harry Leeds