Now obviously we don’t want to cause anyone pain or discomfort by stealing their necessary medicine but…

In these trying times of self-isolation, nothing is quite as frustrating as going to get your stash out of the sock drawer after mom has gone to bed, and finding that you’ve already smoked that bag that was supposed to last you at least another week.

What can you do? You’re only 15 so you can’t drive to get more. Besides, you already spent the rest of your allowance on that hidden camera website that your older brother’s friend showed you. Well lucky for you we have the answer, and it’s hiding right next to that deodorant you keep forgetting to use. Welcome to the mysterious portal to altered consciousness that is the family medicine cabinet.


Now obviously we don’t want to cause anyone pain or discomfort by stealing their necessary medicine but come on, grandpa’s being stingy with those pain meds and we all know it. Go ahead and pop one or two. For extra credit wash them down with some of dad’s beer for intensified results. You know those pills your sister takes when she gets crampy around that certain time of the month?

Well, they can make you feel more at ease as well. Take a couple back to your room before crushing them up and snorting them off of your favorite album or algebra textbook. You may experience some tenderness in the breasts, but who said that was a bad thing?

Photo via UNM poison centre

Feeling a little extra anxious and agitated with all this extra family time? Your mom has just the right little yellow pills for that as well. We recommend stealing these after shes already washed a couple down with a vodka tonic before bed so she’ll probably just think she miscounted her remaining supply.
Now, these are just a few tried and true examples, but remember, ALWAYS feel free to explore new and exciting pharmaceuticals on your own. At the end of the day just remember to have fun, sleep on your side, and write back to let us know what your favorites are!

Jake Turner

@kuddelmuddelkid

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