Your office Xmas party is NOT your chance to finally hit on your colleague. If you haven’t done it during the year, it’s not going to happen tonight. You are a loser.
You KNOW you are not starting a diet on January so skip yourself the shame and refund that turkey into the toilet bowl as often as possible. You fancy want a mince pie? Chew and spit back. Say it with me, chew…and spit..chew…and spit. Dust is ok.
Don’t say what you actually want for Christmas! Let your partner or parents buy you shit you don’t want and reciprocate.
Is not Christmas unless you are not stressed as fuck! No napping, no chilling, head over to the nearest Westfields and work on your agoraphobia.
People need to hear your angry thoughts this Christmas, especially if you work in hospitality. Make customers feel AWFUL about you being at work.
You shouldn’t be happy with what you have. Spend your holidays through your friend’s stories. It’s the healthy thing to do.
People are tools and you are the mothafucking handyman. This is the ego that we love and cherish in London pubs this season.