Drinking at the airport
I’m sick of pretending that drinking at the airport is only to kill time.
There’s a reason they ask you to be 3 hours early, drinking is part of the experience, sit at the bar, order a Guinness and ask people where the fuck they are flying to.
Guys, do you know the message you are sending out to the world with these wheelie luggage? You are telling the world: I give up, I can’t compete in normal society, I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable. Wheelies are the equivalent of walking around in sweatpants.
No outside food
Aeroplane food is not plain and horrible by random, it was designed this way by the same engineers as the plane itself; the odour particles in aeroplane food have been meticulously measured to keep everyone from puking their guts out. Think about it, we are already travelling at 700 km/h through turbulence, add gherkins to the equation and the plane will come alive and shit everyone’s luggage into the ocean.
This is not a slumber party, dress properly, have some respect for the miracle of science you are on. You are like those people in Canada Goose coats who don’t like being uncomfortable even by 1 degree, ever.
Mind your reclining
If the seat behind you is empty or there’s a child or a midget then you are golden, otherwise, you need to look behind you first. If they have reclined, then you may recline. You don’t back up your car without looking back, do you? Didn’t think so. Also, if you don’t recline it’s not the end of the world. Personally, those extra 20 degrees of comfort do absolutely nothing for me.
The air hostesses are cops and you are in their magic country
Delta’s air hostesses are like cops who’ve had a bad day for a year, but even they have to be obeyed. You are on a 20-tonne piece of flying metal, if the cops want you out of their magic cylinder for any reason, you must comply like a bitch. Flying is a privilege, not a right.
That fucking neck pillow
Neck pillows are the selfie-sticks of flying. You are pretty much walking around with a stuffed croissant for your neck’s haemorrhoids, very sexy.
The moving walkway
100% of people who miss their flight is because they stand on the moving walkway. “It’s not a fucking ride, do your legs work at all!?” – Jerry Seinfeld
What a delightful young lady!✈️💩🐶🖕🏼😂 [SOUND ON FOR LOL] #heyyourdogjustshitonthecarpet #saycheese! 📸 #shitshow #hershirtshouldsaynumbertwonotthree 😂 • • • #passengershaming #wednesdaywisdom #NOPE #instagramaviation #airplaneetiquette #frequentflyer #crewlife #aviation #cabincrew #avgeek #cabincrewlife #flightattendant #flightattendantlife #stewardess #flightattendantproblems #travel #flightattendants #instapassport #aviationgeek #FAlife #travelgram #traveltips #pilot #pilotlife #travelling #frequentflier
Guess who didn’t get to stay on the plane? This bitter bully bitch. Looks like karma ain’t the only one around... ✈️😂 #GOTABITHA 💁🏼♀️❤️ 💪🏼#notallheroeswearcapes 👍🏼😘 “you’re not going to have a job tomorrow” #fuckoffbitterbullybitch 🖕🏼#canitalktoyourmanager [STORY: This passenger was berating and bullying the mom (who is recording the video) because her baby had been crying - so bitter bully bitch advised the flight attendant she must move her because she wasn’t going to sit near the mom & baby. Bitter bully bitch was then removed and put on another flight.] #BBB #bitterbullybitch #karma #passengershaming #crewlife #flightattendantlife #flightattendantproblems #cabincrew #TABITHAFROMDELTA💪🏼