I used to work in a pub back home.

At the time I was a key holder and lived in the garage out the front. Now, this was a proper locals boozer for local boozers so fresh faces were as rare as rocking horse shit. One Tuesday night a young and unknown couple came in, looking like they were on their first date.  If not, then they were very early stages.

They started getting carried away, ordering sambucas and other shots and before long they were pretty stuck into each over, snogging at the bar and shit. By last orders, the only person in the pub beside me and these two drunken exhibitionists was my good mate Steve. They ordered a taxi and decided to wait on the porch. I flicked the CCTV on the screen behind the bar, poured myself a beer and sat with Steve to watch the action.

The CCTV would flick through each of the eight cameras for about five seconds at a time. The happy couple appeared on the screen and we gave a little cheer as the fella propped the bird on the windowsill. The next time it came round to them he was taking off her knic-nic’s!

“MATE HE’S GONNA FUCK HER!” Steve said excitedly as we both started banging on the bar.

On the next revolvement, all we saw was his head going like the clappers. I was howling but reality kicked in and I realised if those cameras got watched over by the owner I’d be in for the sack. I went to walk out there when Steve screamed:


I waited till it came round again and walked out the door clapping my hands.

“I admire ya confidence but this ain’t no swingers party.”

They jumped out their skins and bolted out the door laughing like two school kids. I had a few beers after with Steve, joking about what we had just witnessed before I walked him to the door. We were on the porch and Steve started gagging.

“What’s the matter with you?” I asked.“Look at that!” He said, looking away from the direction he was pointing.

The dirty slut left me a little present to take care of, a fucking USED tampon!…

….The filthy bitch left me a jam roly-poly to clean up after her! Some mothers have them eh?

Joey Robero