Being 5 ft 8 I’m neither considered short or tall.

I am in that overly occupied space that exists in between being an absolute midget and towering giant. I am what society nicely refers to as ‘’normal’’ height. Basically, I am a nicely portioned individual and can make direct eye contact with most normal sized people without too much difficulty.

When it comes to the question of what is size appropriate we have height restrictions on fairground rides to protect the small and underdeveloped, so it got me thinking, why can’t there be height restrictions to protect me from short men?

“They are so tiny and small I may accidentally step on them.”

I hate short men, there I said, in fact, I despise them. What exactly is appealing in dating someone below 5 ft 8? I want a man, a real man, someone who is either my equal in terms of length or someone I need to extend my neck upwards just so I can hear a sigh of their deep and

 growling manly voice. Tallness is sexy; shortness is not, so when a guy below the height of 5 ft 8 messages me on a dating profile and I get a notification to inform me I have a new message awaiting me in my inbox, I am automatically sad when I see they are below my height requirements.

Any man who is below 5 ft 8 quite frankly does not exist to me.

The worst case scenario is when these midget men actually catfish and blatantly lie about their height. I mean, it clearly stated that they were 5 ft 10 on their profile, so why am I now bending my knees just to be able to converse with this small insufficient man beneath me?

But it’s not really the lack of length that is the issue, short men also seem to have some kind of chip on their little shoulders, it’s almost as if they have to overcompensate for their shortcomings.

Thankfully I will never have to put myself through the unnecessary stress of dating a pocket-sized man as I wholeheartedly refuse to even acknowledge their inadequate existence and to be fair they are easy enough to miss, they are so tiny and small I may accidentally step on them.

So next time a guy below the height of 5 ft 8 messages me, I hope they come with a height restriction warning and, maybe, a pair of stilts.

Michael Lee

@MangledMichael

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