I met a dirty old bird online.

She lived a few towns along from me and was looking for a good old game of hide the sausage. I got her number, chatted for a bit then went round to see her on a Sunday afternoon for “drinks”. I got to her flat and hit the buzzer. She opened the door and I headed up to the third floor. When she opened that door, she stumbled backwards, obviously pissed as a fart. On the contrary though she was pretty hot for an oldie. She poured me a drink, that drink being half a pint of straight JD (my kinda girl). Anyways, she talked bollocks for a bit, fed me a Viagra pill and ransacked my pants on the sofa before dragging me into the bedroom. After a bit of cunnilingus she demanded I fuck her hard. Being a gent I fulfilled this request and had her cumming like a treat without even breaking a sweat. She was acting pretty slutty so I took the liberty of putting it in her bum. She must have been a bit of an anal veteran as my knob slid straight in, no lube. After I came in her arse I put my clothes back on, kissed her on the cheek like a gentleman always does, said my goodbyes, jumped on the train and headed down me local to tell the lads about my conquest…Job done!

These meetings became a regular thing on a Sunday afternoon and before long she wanted to get serious, as most female fuck buddies do. I called it a day right there as without sounding weird, we looked more like mother and son than partners. After about six weeks she’s still texting/tempting me. Willpower has never been my strong point and I began going round there again and after a few more fucks, shit hit the fan to say the least….

….I had just rolled off her, got dressed and as I was tying my shoelaces the buzzer went off. She answered the intercom but I couldn’t hear the conversation very clearly as she was whispering. Suddenly she screamed “fuck off! You’re not coming in ‘coz I got a real man up here!” Fuck, this ain’t good. I jumped up and darted towards the intercom and all I could hear was this booming voice shouting something along the lines of “cunt! I’ll smash this door open and throw him over the balcony!”….

Three - 3 - Tres

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