Venezuela has been in the news a lot recently, you might have noticed.

At the time of writing this, the country is in the midst of a constitutional crisis; the government is on the verge of complete systematic collapse, there are riots in the streets, food shortages and a plunging Bolivar. Nicolas Maduro, the nation’s Socialist President, has deployed troops to subdue elements of the population – some of these troops have actually revolted and are now taking up arms against Maduro himself. In short, it’s a fucking shit show.

It’s not actually that easy to identify exactly where this humanitarian disaster kicked off but there are few key areas of concern, each offers an enticing excuse as to the failure of the state depending on which political ideology you adhere to.

“The real issue here is actually that the Government didn’t do enough to diversify the economy.”

In the U.S, the arch imperialist and the worlds capitalist attack dog, it’s pretty simple: Socialism. The Socialist nightmare took hold in Venezuela during the ‘Bolivarian revolution’ in 1999, surprisingly late in the 20th Century for socialist states to crop up. To be fair I wouldn’t want to start one in South America all the while the U.S was knocking over socialist republics and installing great friends like Pinochet & Noriega in their great campaign for freedom throughout the 70s & 80’s. Unfortunately, despite the late coming of the perfect society it still inherited much of its earlier cousins habits – state sanctioned abductions, detention without trial, confiscation of property and the nationalisation of large utilities. All the good stuff. From 1999-2015 the country was buoyed by enormous oil revenue which allowed massive investment in infrastructure, health care and all those other tasty MEDC benefits. All this kept the population pretty happy and as the economy was booming the U.S largely kept their mouths shut. But then not too long ago the price of oil tumbled. This was what the US had been waiting for.

Hunger in Venezuela | Photo via


‘Look! Socialism has failed! It’s unworkable!’

OPEC, the Oil Producing Economies something something, kept producing, keeping the oil price artificially low and the Venezuelan economy entered a death spiral. Almost 90% of the Venezuelan Governments income is derived from oil. This is a big problem for any country, if you’re dependant on one thing and suddenly that thing is going for peanuts then you’re pretty fucked. This is where Venezuela’s defenders come in.

The real issue here is actually that the Government didn’t do enough to diversify the economy. As a result, we should all just calm down and wait for the price of oil to go up and everything will be back to hunky dory. No problem. In the mean time, however, we just have to wait out the brutal crack down on dissidents and political adversaries. Armed squads on mopeds have been riding around and beating ‘the enemy’ with batons, tear gas – some real brutal Banana Republic shit. There have been elections and the opposition controls the government chamber by around two thirds but Maduro is in power and intends to remain so. It’s a presidential system so he’s not actually mandated to leave but it’s all getting a bit awkward. Although to be fair, Theresa May can barely control her own arms let alone the Commons and she won’t leave so I guess it’s not that outlandish.

The Opposition is being funded by a number of people/places, of course, the U.S has set aside some $59 Million to help topple the government. That’s not even clandestine CIA stuff. You can just google it. Absolutely Wild.

Venezuelans resort to looting as food shortages hit crisis point

The only problem with all this is that, actually, the opposition seems to be a real bunch of cunts. So far we have confirmed that there are groups going round and actually lynching black government supporters, KKK style. Pretty grisly fucking stuff. They’re also burning stock piles of food meant to alleviate the crippling hunger and malnutrition that’s sweeping the country. I can only assume in an attempt to whip up anger against the state.

Caracas, already one of the most dangerous cities in the world is now from 2015 the murder capital of the world. A few weeks ago a military helicopter was hijacked and flown over the national assembly which was then bombed. The U.S media went crazy for it, one outlet even described the guy as a James Bond type figure. I wonder whether they’d say the same if a crazed Bernie supporter drove his Prius into the Capitol Building in DC and blew it up.

I think not.

Joseph Connoly