Tinder is shite. Plain and simple.  The endless swiping to find out that the person you just matched with out of a thousand people can’t even string a sentence together beyond the skill level of a monkey with a “Send nudes” button. 

“Most modern ways of meeting people are utter garbage.”

The excruciatingly large number of people that are apparently mute once you do match. The vapidity of trying to form a connection with someone based on a blurry picture of them with ten other dudes or ladies with only the description of “I love to travel” Which most people do unless they’re literally a vegetable or the ever present: “I love animals ecks dee” because let’s face it, If you don’t like animals you’re basically a monster.

I’ve been single for almost a year now by choice because, long story short, I am a shitty judge of character. After finally feeling brave enough to get myself back on the proverbial horse I’ve given a number of methods, including Tinder, a go to find out that most modern ways of meeting people are utter garbage.

More and more people are resorting to online methods to find a suitable partner now, with one in five people meeting their partners online. However with 81% of those people lying about their height, age, or whether they’re a fat fuck or not, how exactly are you meant to get an accurate representation of the person that you’re potentially going to bone that way? If fidelity is particularly important to you it’s not the best method either.

Photo by Christo Viola

A study by smartphone maker HTC into British behaviour on dating apps found that 24 percent kept their profile active even when they entered a relationship, a figure that rises to 34 percent in Northern Ireland.

What’s the point in entering a meaningful relationship when that person is still going to have wandering eyes, always on the lookout for someone better than you? Call me old fashioned, but I find quality, not quantity, way more important when I’m trying to find someone to laugh and game with. To open myself up to someone that would rather bang hot Jennifer from 10 miles away is not something I plan on doing anytime soon.

Going to bars and clubs isn’t necessarily the way forward in order to form meaningful relationships either. Most of the time no real conversation happens in that setting. Due to people playing themselves with alcohol to relax at the end of a long working week you’re lucky to get more than a drunken fumble and a hell of a lot of regrets rather than actually forming anything deeper than:

“That was pretty fun, let’s never do this again.”

“Deal.”

My suggestion, although subjective, is to find a hobby where a lot of your preferred sex tends to mingle. In a social setting, being with people that share the same interests as you forms a good foothold into finding other qualities that you like about them.

The biggest thing is to make sure you actually have some self-worth and no leftover baggage from a previous heartache. Forget doubt. Think of success. Fuck everyone! (Not literally, that’s how you get herpes.) Until you are happy with yourself there is no way you are going to be happy with others.

I’m not saying this is an absolutely foolproof plan. Maybe they don’t like you back. Maybe they’ve got other shit going on in their life that is way more important than “God damn I miss having access to regular sex and cuddles.” Thems the breaks, you move on, you try again, you browse Tinder for a while because you forget how shit it is. You eventually find someone that adores you for you and repeat the whole process a few months or years down the line.

If we wait long enough sex robots will be a thing and we won’t ever have to worry about this again.

Hannah Corner

@HarpyMonarch

 

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