You’ve probably heard the term Cock O’ the North which refers to a staple diet in working men’s clubs in Manchester. If you’re with your wife then you show a bit of decorum and order a black pudding.

It’s not like the bullfighting in Spain. That’s for fucking pansies wearing tights.


But if you’re alone or with your mates then it’s a Cock O’ the North and chips with a pint of Watneys. The most popular ones are horse cocks. They come from the local knacker’s yard. But the most expensive ones are the Bolton Bull Cocks. (Not to be confused with the ball cocks used by plumbers). Amongst the slag heaps Boltonians love to watch bull fighting. It’s not like the bullfighting in Spain. That’s for fucking pansies wearing tights.

No, stripped to the waist and wearing just a jockstrap, the Bolton matador has to fight the bull armed with only a kitchen knife and a handkerchief. And the prize is not the ears. It’s the cock that’s sold to local butchers. It’s seen as a rite of passage. The bulls are provided by a gang of professional rustlers known as the Beefy Boys.

They’re eaten slowly as a sign of respect.

They’re from Liverpool because Scousers will steal anything. Bolton Bull Cocks are regarded as Northern truffles. And they’re eaten slowly as a sign of respect. After all, how many young lads has this bull killed? The only one put on display was the famous Cow Cock and Cunt that hangs over the fireplace at the Iron Duke in Bolton.
It came from a bull that was a hermaphrodite having been born with both a cock and a cunt. What a fight that was. One moment the bull was docile as its feminine side took over, the next it was a raging beast. After being paraded down the high street, it went on display. People from the South like to come up and take a selfie of themselves standing by the cunt.

These days it would be a transgender bovine creature and anyone making disparaging remarks about such a monstrosity would be charged with a hate crime.

 

Mike Knowles